Silence

Silence has a sound,
but I don't hear it until I hit the ground.

The sound of your voice not saying what it should,
the look of your empty hands,
not doing what they could.

You shake your head at my inablilty to carry the burden,
you will leave me here,
I am certain.

It's not somewhere I haven't been before, but without you to save me,
I cannot be sure..

Can I stand and walk away from this
or am I sentenced to a silence that
I didn't miss?

Look at me with disdain,
shake your head at my pain.

I'm too far gone to save,
so leave me here in this cave.

Don't frown at me like that,
it was too much,
and I couldn't help but crack.

REBELS!

Here we are,
the mighty S.F.R!
We're here to show the spirit of us all;
With grit and strength,
just watch us and you'll see,
we're true rebels,
we fight for victory!

Knowing Me

You know if I'm happy,
or if I'm pretending to be.
You know all this with a single glance,
you know me.

I can't say it's a strength,
more of a downfall.
You may notice things you wish hadn't,
after climbing over that wall.

I'm sorry in advance
for the acting ability I don't possess,
and that I wish I could be better,
this I confess.

Better;
I wish I could be;
But now your greatest weakness
is knowing me.

Dreams

Sing me a lullaby,
right here
tonight.

Something sweet
and terrible.
But beautiful,
and daring.

About the girl
who gets up after being knocked down
time and time again.

About the boy who endures all
accepts nothing,
and won't ever fall.

The child who grows up too fast,
the one who will never come in last.

Of running and never looking back,
not missing what we had.

Of being heard,
and being loud,
being happy
and being proud.

Of catching stars,
and leading nations.
Of ending wars
and much elation.

Sing me something
to make my dreams happy.
Maybe
one day they'll be
reality.

You

Hold me in Your hands,
lift me up with You.

Hide me here,
and keep me safe
in all that I do.

I tend to fall alot,
so I am quite happy
you're the one
my misfortune caught.

Remind me you're here
with a word or two in my heart.

I'll thank you at the end of the day
and every start.

Blessings are many with me,
I just forget to count.
Now I see,
with crystal clarity.

I'm here because of You,
for You,
with You.

And always
I thank You.

(:

Canada

I hear Canada is still nice,
and the mounties don't know anything.
I'm all out of advice,
and I think the country would be pretty, come spring.

(:

20 Years From Now

20 years from now,
where we will be?
Come back to this place,
and then you'll see.

Will we be crazy?
Will be gone?
Will we be together?
Or alone?

Will we have accomplished what we wanted to?
Will I be able to recognize you?

We'll reminisce on how great we were,
Laughter for sure.

If asked in 20 years,
what do you want,
see,
wish,
or who will you be?

People will list
all the things they want to do,

but

20 years from now,
all I want
is to still know you.

Mistaken

Mistakes are made
but why?

The lessons I've learned,
I'll be sure to apply.

One day maybe,
you'll look back and see.

Why exactly it was that you lost me.

It was when I stopped mattering,
that everything started shattering.

I can make my choices,
not mirroring yours.

I'm not the little girl I was,
who would blindly adore.

I see you for what you are,
and I hate it.

You don't care enough to change,
so why don't you just quit?

I don't need you,
and I speak for just myself.
It's now your move,
But I won't be waiting on the shelf.

Love...dead?

They say love has died.
If this is true,
why has no one cried?

Is it gone forever?
To return to us never?

Do you really believe this is true?
What in the world did they ever do to you?

My friend found the grave.
I just wish we had the chance
to save.

We are all given the chance
in the beginning.
So why don't we take it
and save ourselves all this begging?

I didn't want it to die,
and I don't think it did.
For it to have died,
it had to have really lived.

But most don't give it the chance;
they forget the steps of the dance.

I see it all around,
so why is it there in the ground?

It's the old couple
still holding hands.

It's the kids drawing hearts
together in the sand.

Fill me in on the story,
without the memento mori.

Did this person not believe enough,
and decided it was too rough?

Why not take another try
forgetting the tears they cry?

Cowardice is buried there,
not love.
It's still here,
alive and well,
never mind the tears.

The Towers

Blue
beautiful sky.
Birds
singing on high.

The towers stood tall,
no one expected them to fall.

Some jumped,
others didn't.
There was no way
to win it.

Up in a cloud,
smoke and dust.
Some screamed
that war
was a must.

Families left
to grieve.
The reasons why,
no one could conceive.

Tears
still fall,
this fall.
But closer we've become,
under this peacful sun.

Fall

Trees change your colors,
Summer fade to fall.
The weather grows colder,
I love it all.

Harvest time
and Halloween,
are some of
my favorite things.

Making a pile,
nice and tall,
then
jumping into it..
This is why I love fall. (:

Light

Put that bottle down,
it's not worth it
and you're going to drown.

That sharp edge
has no reason to find your wrist.
Why not?
A thousand reasons I could list.

We've so much more to live for,
so much more to gain.
How do we fight for what we believe in,
if we can't live through the pain?

Ending it now
is the easy way out.
So prove them wrong,
and come out of the fog.

How will you find love
if you're watching from above?

And how will you live
if there's no way for you to give?

Would you leave this world behind?
Leaving everyone else here
without you
blind?

Is it so bad
you just need out?
Then get out.
No one's keeping you here
you're just harboring doubt.

There's light at the end of the tunnel,
you just have to see it.
Open your eyes instead of the hate
then you might admit.

There's another way,
one not so permanent.
You just don't want to take it
so keep you'll just keep popping that 'supplement'.

I want you to make you listen,
but there's no way I can.
Put down the razor,
and give me your hand.

That bullet doesn't have your name inscribed,
those pills aren't prescribed.

I am sick of seeing you so sick,
so stand up out of the dirt
or not.
Take your pick.

I'll write 'love' on your arms,
to stop the harm.

I'll take the nightmares
so the burden we can share.

I can empathize and sympathize,
as long as you know

you

are

not

alone.

Those pills,
that razor,
the bullet,
are not your friends,
If you want to find out,
ask who would miss you
if you pulled it.

You see my point,
but you can't point.
Blaming someone
or yourself
only adds more problems to the shelf.

We've sat down here
in our sad feelings long enough.
It's time to get better,
but the healing I won't rush.

I'll wait days,
months,
years,
if it means I can see that smile again
between those ears.

Questions?

Wonder where you are
and what you're thinking.
Whether you feel like you're floating
or feel like you're sinking.

So many questions
I want to ask.
But I'm afraid you'll think I'm weird,
or just laugh.

Where are you going?
What are your plans?
Do you want to be here?
Or rather in the sand?

Do you ever cry?
Do you wish you could fly?

Who would you like to meet?
Are you creeped out by feet?

Are you running away from something?
Do you like to sing?

What are you most afraid of?
Do you believe in love?

See?
Don't you find me strange?
Something I wish I could change.
Not really,
but if you could,
what would you change?

What's your favorite color?
What's your most hated word?
What's the funniest thing
you've ever heard?

I suppose I'll stop with the questions for now,
you don't have to answer.
Just random thoughts
on what I'm always thinking about. (:

Safe Heart

No where is safe,
this I've learned.
Here you'll stay,
or you won't return.

Nothing is worth
that goodbye.
So you're never leaving
my sight.

Oh, heart,
I won't let you be torn apart.

Again.

It was my fault,
I was careless,
reckless,
an affectionate mess.


I thought I knew enough;
We should have known I didn't,
and we were never that tough.

So stay here,
safe and sound.
You'll never be lost,
but,
also,
never found.

I am..

inspired,

loud,

weird,

laughing,

fun,

maybe funny?

Sometimes sad,

usually glad
to be alive.

Godmother,

Godchild,

Niece

and daughter.

Creative,

a dreamer,

musical,

listening
most of the time.

Confused
sometimes,

worried
sometimes.

Feeling awkward,
or excited,

halfway confident
the other half
self-conscious

and

nervous.

Waiting for time
to move faster

or wishing it would
move slower.

Replaying moments
or hours
in my head,
hoping
to never forget.

Remembering,
and forgetting,
caring
and
never regretting.

A writer,
kind of.

Without scheme,
wishing I had one.

Planning for the future,
wondering if I'll make it there.

Making no sense,
to anyone but myself.

Thinking that that's
totally okay
because I get me.

wondering if I really get me..
or...
am I
none of the above,
and just looking at
what I wish I were?

For Amie June(:

Hold my hand,
but not too tight.
I want to fly,
just not too far tonight.

Remind me you're here,
every now and again.
Not because I forget,
but because I need a friend.

Keep me close,
and never far,
Recount every memory,
but never erase the scars.

Run with me,
but remind me to walk.
Leave me when I ask,
and but never leave me in shock.

Cry with me,
but never too long,
and when I forget,
sing me back my heart song. (:

So Unfair

Brown hair,
Brown eyes,
You call me beautiful,
I can see through the lies.

There's no need for flattery,
I honestly don't care.
You already have me,
And it's so unfair.

I never wanted this,
Still don't.
So stop playing prince.
I won't fall for you.
I won't.

We both know it's not true.
Act as though it is.
I've already fallen for you,
And there is nothing I can do.

Carrie, the little girl, and I.

Carrie whispers
all her secrets to me.
Under the cover of the stars,
and the copse of trees.

She tells me she's not all right,
I close my eyes,
turn towards the night,
and hope she's speaking lies.

Daddy's drinking more,
Momma's drinking less.
The worst secret of all,
lies in the alchohol breath.

Carrie hugs herself,
and now I can see.
The bruises are there from "falling",
the scars finally visible to me.

I begin to cry,
because I don't know what to do.
Carrie starts comforting me,
and I had the strangest sense of dejavu.

Because she had always done this,
made me feel better when I could feel nothing at all.
Being the person to me,
I should have been to her all along.

So I turn and hug her,
assuring her I'm here.
We cry together,
and that's how I know this is real.

It's not something I can run from,
or close my eyes and forget.
Somehow I had been doing that all along,
and I'm beginning to feel regret.

Then Carrie looks at me,
with her tear-stained face.
Those gray eyes so tired,
but she's not even close to winning this race.

Suddenly she grabs my hands,
and looks at my ring.
The Sacred Heart of Jesus
sitting there, glistening.

She begins to shake,
and I ask if she's okay.
She replies she will be.

She asks if we can pray.

--~--

Today I watch her,
sitting in a pew.
She has been born again,
the smile on her face brand new.

She sings Amazing Grace
with the same voice she whispered with long ago.
She tells me she saved me,
But that's not the truth, I know.

That wasn't me,
not at all.
It was Him.
He was picking her up,
and carrying her,
all along.

I feel a pang of jealousy.
Because I was there too.
My sadness was in my heart,
I thought He knew.

She wasn't the only one,
who needed to be saved.
There was a little girl left alone,
standing beside a grave.

In it buried
were her hopes and dreams,
along with her mother,
and her silent screams.

Something broke that day,
The little girl can't say why.
Everytime she sees a cross,
something in her dies.

He didn't save her mom,
not like he could have.
She prayed and prayed and prayed,
all the while believing.

And that night,
When Carrie broke down and cried,
She finally had hope,
she finally saw the light.

She saw Carrie picked up,
saved from further beating.
Saved from the sadness,
and the heart left bleeding.

The little girl beside her,
opened up her arms.
Waiting to be saved as well,
Hoping it wouldn't be long.
--~--

Now I,
sitting in the pew,
realize what it is
the little girl must do.

The little girl has to grow up,
and ask for help,
here and today.

Carrie sits beside me,
and tells me it's allright.
Comforting me yet again,
telling me I can fight.

As a tear rolls down my face,
she finally understands.
That same tear fell from her eyes,

and then,

Carrie holds my hands.
Then, I find the strength to say.

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind, but now I see."

Soldier Boy

Darling darling,
what's wrong,
why can't you tell me?

Are you afraid I won't understand,
that I won't see?

Oh.
You've enlisted..
How could you have?
It's dangerous..
Why didn't you just listen?

You're leaving me,
here,
on my own?

I suppose,
I should've guessed,
it's not like it wasn't always known.

Always talking about fighting,
I have no idea why.
I should have listened more carefully,
but I would still cry.

Goodbye comes and goes,
so does he.

Soldier boy, Soldier boy has left me here,
the future I can't foresee.

Fighting for peace,
it seems funny.
It's a cause he cares about
even it's just for the puppet masters with money.


The letters come and go
as quickly as he did.

Trying to stop him would have been redundant,
even if his actions I forbid.

I listen to news headlines,
and for the phone to ring.

I do my part,
raise the flag,
the Star-Spangled Banner I sing.

But the inevitable
comes for
the Soldier Boy..

A knock on the door,
a telegraph given,
knees hit the floor,
hoping for a different message hidden

in the words

Soldier boy isn't coming home,
the light diminished that he once shone.

It's funny,
a boy who fights for the peace.
He found it at last,
at the cost,
no one could have known.

Soldier boy, Soldier Boy
fought for peace,
a great light diminished,
never again to be shone.

His hope for peace
lying beneath
the dirt and stone.

Happy Birthday

It's been too long,
that I know.
But I feel the memory slipping...
I don't want them to go.

Dad's best friend,
inevitably ours too.
We all had so much fun,
and,
I miss you.

Playing outdated video games,
You introduced us to Beavis and Butthead.
Kept us laughing for hours,
how could I ever forget?

Happy Birthday,
we'll celebrate when I get there too.

Beavis and Butthead marathon,
laughing at them all night long.

Cardinals will win the game.
I can imagine the Cubs shirt aflame. (:

Flashlight tag as long as we like,
I'll even be 'it'.
Just don't hide anywhere too hard,
or I might have to quit. (:

Someday, we'll celebrate the greatest birthday ever.
For right now,
I hope you're smiling,
In that beautiful heaven.

Watch out for us,
like you've always done.
Happy Birthday,
have some fun. (:

For Eric Alan Cape <3

"I see myself as a huge feiry comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps "Oh! Look at that!" Then -whoosh, and I'm gone..and they'll never see anything like it ever again...and they won't be able to forget me-ever."
-Jim Morrison

Once Before

I've seen this
more than one time.

Girls getting damaged
over guys who just decide to leave..

Broken hearts need to be bandaged.

They'll find another you
in a week or two.

Breaking every promise ever made,
and you take back anything you ever forgave.

Soon enough, you'll be well.
How long?
Time will tell.

Soon you won't remember the eyes,
but you'll always remember the lies.

Commit them to memory,
the lesson learned,
close to it you'll keep.

A wall built
in a matter of heartbreaks,
some tears,
and learning from mistakes.

Close them off
to keep you in.

They don't need to see that part of you,
let them play their violin.

Walls, walls,
they won't fall.
Try to climb over,
and you'll see,
but you'll need the skeleton key.

That she gives to no one,
anymore.
She already tried that,
once before.

Camouflage

Open up
or
shut down.

Either way
you'll hit the ground.

Brace yourself
for what you don't know.

Paint a picture with your misfortune,
as though
you're the next Van Gogh.

Run away,
or just crawl.

Don't listen to me,
or the writing on the wall.

I don't matter,
but neither do you.

Melt into the background,
just go ahead and imbue.

Camouflage is not a defensive mechanism
for the weak of heart.

It's for the one's who were
weak from the start.

Defensive, I call it not.
You're just scared
that in your flaws
you'll get caught.

When you're caught,
you can't fall anymore.
Maybe that's what you need...
You're becoming exactly what against
you swore.

'Truth'?

Kick me down
and watch me hurt.

The words in your mouth
taste worse than dirt.

I can't believe what you're saying,
it makes no sense at all.

So, I won't believe your 'truth'
even if my only other option is
to 'fall'.

Who are you
to judge what I believe?

No need to completely
crush the heart on my sleeve.

Sugar coated
in the hopes
the kids don't choke on it.

Don't put your twisted 'truths' in their minds.
People who are different are okay,
not just a certain kind.

Peace can be achieved
if we aren't taught from the start
to hate, and hate,
and tear each other apart.

The hope is us,
and the love we can share.
Peace can exist,
if the hope and determination are there.

I'll accept everyone as they are,
in the hopes that you will too.

Maybe we won't have to repeat the mistakes
if we don't repeat their twisted view.

No rose colored glasses,
or stereotypes here,
just the hope for future generations,
and tolerance growing every year.

We'll practice what we preach
and lie in the beds we make.

They won't be as uncomfortable as the one's before us,
because we won't make your ignorant mistakes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Random (lyrics quotations) that helped with inspiration.

"It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in; You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you.."-Paramore ('Playing God')

"Love is a movement. Love is a revolution. This is redemption. We don't have to slow back down." -Switchfoot ('Love is the Movement')

"..I see the love. I see the hate. I see this world that we can make. I see the life, I see the sky, Give it all to see you fly. Yes, we wave this flag of hatred, but you're the ones who made it.. We are young, we have heart, born in this world as it all falls apart. We are strong, we don't belong, born in this world as it all falls apart...All together, walk alone, against all we've ever known..We will fight, or we will fall, till the angels save us all...We are young, we have heart.." -Hollywood Undead ('Young')

Sing for You

All I want
is to sing.

To praise You
every time I do.

But I can't ever get the words right,
and the ones in the books leave me feeling contrite.

Like, I haven't told You completely
what I need to say.

That I won't be thanking You for the right things
at the end of the day.

One day I'll find that song,
or I'll write it myself.
Until then,
I'll keep praising you,
through my hymnal on the shelf.

Can You hear the song
playing in my heart?
I don't know it right now,
but You must have from the start.

After all You wrote it,
but I feel the need,
to sing it back to you..
That way the prewritten lyrics,
won't mislead.

SFR

Nothing
better than
the fall.

The best part?

Friday Night Football.

Cheering on the home team,
showing that our small school
is not what we seem,
decked out in the purple and green.

Clapping and yelling,
the game most compelling.

Here's to SFR,
this fall,
you'll know just who we are.

Clarity?

I want clarity,
not just the same story retold.
Clarity with aging,
just as it was foretold.

I know no more,
than I did then.
My mind is still clouded,
Could you explain it to me again?

What if I already know,
what I am going to know
forever?

And the things that baffle me now
will continue to do so,
Clarity
coming
never?

It's like I'm looking out
a smudged glass.
Unable to see
past this impasse.

If I am trapped in
my ever questioning thoughts
Never finding
the answer I once sought,

I will surely go mad
with the unknown
Forever stuck
on what should have been a stepping stone.

I don't understand how it could have happened,
I just need the facts.
It's just that,
I have no idea what I really need to ask..

Coward.

Say goodbye,
I promise,
this is the last time.

Forget my face
as well as my name.

Leave my life the way you came.

You claim no one cares,
but I know it's not true.

It's you who's giving up on life,
not I giving up on you.

I've tried every possible angle,
to try and make you comprehend.

But you've got no more hope,
your two weeks notice has been penned.

Leave me now,
clinging to my last piece of sanity.

I can only pray
you gain some clarity.

I hope some of my words registered,
and they weren't all in vain.

I knew when you said those words
I couldn't look at you the same.

A coward is what you are,
as well as weak.

I thought you were different,
someone unique.

Someone I could help,
someone willing to try.

So run away now,
I am saying goodbye.

I've learned my lesson.
Have you learned yours?

I highly doubt you did.
Your pity taught you to ignore.

Who are you?

Where are you running to?,
or are you simply
passing through?

As you say hello,
I find myself wondering,
If I knew you long ago.

You seem familiar,
and I'd like you to stay.
Just to figure out the mystery,
of your face.

I feel like I've known you forever,
and our past is in your eyes.
Did I block it all out,
in an attempt to get rid of some unknown
goodbyes?

I am not quite sure,
are you a stranger?
Or are you real?

Something about your smile,
seems very surreal..

Maybe it was in my dreams
that I saw you first.
I think I remember you from my happiest ones,
as well as my worst.

Are you...?

No. That's impossible.

Nor is it probable.

I was thinking you
might be that person
the storybooks told me about,
The Only Exception,
But,
I would know without a doubt.

But,
no.
That person you
cannot be.
There was no exception,
made for me.

But,
wait.
Stay right here.
I may be wrong,
and if I am,
I just don't want you to disappear.

Popularity.

Walk around
with your head held high.
Your words negative
Condescension in your eye.

Take all I have
to offer you
and more.

The very thought
of you is
what I most deplore.

Hurt me with your 'goodwill'
Burn me with your smile.
As long as you talk to me,
It only hurts for a little while..

Your acceptance is what I covet,
to be 'in' with you.
As long as that is accomplished,
what more could I want to do?

Is that really how you see me?
A pitiful lump of clay to mold?
A person who is silver,
but you want to paint them gold.

Grace me with your presence,
but I couldn't care less.

Just turn and walk away.
Save your hate for another person,
another day.

Nightmares

Insomnia,
leave me to nightmares.
I think I've taken
all I can bear.

I'll stick the headphones in my ears,
Maybe the truth won't sink in,
if the truth of it,
I cannot hear.

I am living in the moment,
if living dead counts.

Life is a concrete floor,
at which I am repeatedly thrown.

I wish that me,
this life would just condone.

Bouncing back is different,
than just staying in the sky.

So, gravity work your magic,

Maybe I'll stay glued to the floor,

leaving you and I

with our thoughts

to question why.

I don't want to stand
on these shaky feet again.

I don't trust them,
or the fragile balance
they can b-a-r-e-l-y sustain.

I'll do my best
not to seem weak.
That way I'm not asking
to be knocked off my feet.

So, when you find me,
please don't leave me on the floor,
like you did,
so many times before.

The nightmares have taken
anything I had left.
I can't catch my balance,
or my breath.

If I've Got You

Float me up to heaven
where I can just
fly all day.

It's not that I hate it here,
I just need to get away.

Let's go to the ocean,
and put our toes in the sand.

Climb up a mountain,
or hold my hand.

Assure me you'll be here,
forever and always near.

That even if we fight,
things will be all right.

When I feel like breaking down,
you'll be there to fix the frown.


If you're here,
I know everything will be okay.

I guess,

If I've got you,
it isn't as urgent
to get away.

(:

Boyfriend? Ugh.

Cry me a river,
you bore me to tears.
Stop being dramatic,
these are our best years.

Just forget about him,
he's not worth the time.
You don't need a guy,
especially one that's only
a boyfriend
half the time.

Grow up,
and be a bit more independent.
I'm getting tired of the drama.
You're much too resplendent.

Laugh like it's a joke,
but I'm being serious.
Don't make me pound your head
with common sense
until you're delirious.

Flirt all you want,
break as many hearts, too.
Soon I'll stop listening,
and then what will you do?

I'm tired of being tossed aside
for the latest guy.
So, I'm tossing you,
I don't want to hear the
newest version of his old lie.

Broken Puzzle

I don't want to sound
insensitive at all.
But you're no longer able to keep it together
for the long haul.

You've been broken and
shattered,
Way too many times.

The culprits ran off
Completly able to live
with the memory of their crimes.

How can you let yourself
be stepped on
time and again?

You're getting more vulnerable
every day. It just increases;
as well as the pain.

I can't stand these fracture lines,
all over yourself.
Some inflicted on your own,
others made by someone else.

You were strong once,
I'll give you that.
But you're starting to fade,
and the facade is starting to crack.

You're puzzle is missing
vital peices.
Your strength is failing
and your hope decreases.

I wish you would break
once and for all.
Go ahead,
let that fake smile fall.

Watching you
slowly trangress
Causes everyone
but you
distress.

So break,
once and for all.
So I can put you back together
correctly.

Piece by piece
making you well.
And fixing myself
indirectly.

The tape and glue
and temporary nails,
won't hold you anymore.

Those little lines
I will no longer
ignore.

I see them now,
finally, I know.

But, remember,

My repairs can only be made
once you've finally broke.

Words

Quote me
if you dare.
But I can't assure my words
will get you anywhere.

They're more likely to leave you
stranded and deserted.
You're ego
having been subverted.

People have a way
of leaving us speechless.
The words leave us
to drown in weakness.

Words are the crutches
handed out to the frail.
They may also be
the poet's sail.

Whatever they are
they are most fallible.
They leave you at your worst,
Leave you grasping for something not tangible.


Words are there for you when you need them,
but when you need them most,
they leave you alone,
any synonyms of any word
not even coming close.

Censored?!

Is writer's block
a way of
Soemone saying,
"Hey, you might hurt one you love."

Because what I want to write
may not sound quite right
to you,
or match what I do.

In my poems
is when the real me comes out.
As well as everything I want to say
Or, as shocking as it is to you,
shout.

But now it seems
I've been censored by a higher power.
I wish they would show their face
then I would make them cower.

Of course I don't mean that.
Or, maybe I do.
Right now, I can't be sure of anything,
especially you.

Well, whatever
or whoever it is
Deserves a nice
swift kick.

Apologies for the meaningless poem,
I know you're so dissappointed in me.
Right now I don't really care.
A better one tomorrow maybe.
We'll see.

Haiku?

The problem with a
Haiku is there is never
enough space to say






........? (:

The Judge of All Secrets

Secrets are mine to be kept,
I should never have shared.
I should have hid in my fear.
Let myself be scared.


I thought if I did that,
and never told,
my self they would have entombed.
And I would have taken them to the grave.
Never to be exhumed,
But my mysteries would be too late to save.



Give them back to me,
and never tell what you heard.
Neither of us could forsee,
so now,

forget every

single

word.



But I'll never forget
what I told you,
it's my biggest regret.
It's something you would never do,
but you always hold the threat.



Everytime you look my way,
I feel you're remembering too.


All my deepest,
darkest,
secrets
and fears,
once again,
laid out for you.


Judge me if you must,
but do it quickly please.
Now,
commit your wrong opinions
to an unfailing memory.


Now all my secrets, I'll allow
to go back inside the vault.
Where no one can hear my
trepidation
scream and shout.


And now, watch me
bury myself along with them.
It's my fate, you know,
to be kept with my secrets
far below.


It's where your opinion of me is, I'm posi.tive
So it's appropriate I'm right where you thought of me all along,
Of this I am sure.
I'm just following the expections.
After all,
what kind of girl do you take me for?


The kind that is,
finally,
putting your heavy heart at ease.


So, judge,
as that's what you've been all along,
what's my sentence?
With one look I know,
and I don't have very long.
Myself and the
silence you hope for
are to be buried
and entombed
with the dust
and guilt


with which YOUR OWN secrets were
originally built.

Want To Figure Me Out?

Just like
Marshall said,
Music is my time machine,
and it never let's me forget.

I have no desire
to go back to the past.
My only problem is
sometimes it's gone too fast.

So let me replay it,
and go back to the good times.
Listen to that song over again
Singing all my favorite lines.

Skip to a sad one,
reminding me of that feeling.
Leaving me glad I'm happier,
and my head reeling.

Play the one that
makes me want to dance.
No matter what,
as though I won't have another chance.

Turn it up,
the song that makes me want
to sink into the music,
and the words,
never to resurface,
floating in the perfect world.

I fell in love with this song
in the first verse.
The music matches perfectly
with the perfect words.

Listen to the playlist
over,
and over,
and over again.

Let it hold me up,
or hold me down.
Whatever it is,
I know I'm no longer on the ground.

Music is
my escape.
Without it,
I know I would never be
100% safe.

So turn it up,
and turn myself inside out,
everything about me
is right here,
impeccably laid out.

Just listen to the lyrics,
and you'll soon figure me out.

Television Set

There are ghosts
that live in my television set.
Screaming at me,
and never letting me forget.

Here come the memories,
making me wonder,
what sort of expertise
is it they possess?

Black and white reruns,
just like Hayley said,
turn my blood to ice,
my feet to lead.

I can't move,
anchored by my disbelief.
I never told you that,
I swear.
That girl isn't me.

She's yelling calmly,
telling you everything you never wanted to hear.
Taking you and breaking you,
making you dissapear.

The tragedy
seizes me.
Could ending the whole world
have been done that easily?

Is there a reason
this is happening?
A reason
I can't see?

Is it karma
making me relive
all the horror
you won't forgive?

So here I'll sit
watching my t.v. set,
wondering how it got so bad,
but solving the mystery of why I'm sad.

Listen to the Thunder

What's it like,
to have all your days numbered?

Why don't I ask you?
What? Too absurd?

You don't know how long you'll be here,
and the end very well may be near.

Are you living in fear
of an end
that's impossible, to
away from
steer?

Crazy as it seems,
I may not be here next week.
What would you do then?
Without your friend the geek?

Is the answer
to never get too attached?
I don't think that's it,
if it is,
I guess I should appear 100 times
more detached.

The answer to the question,
that still makes me wonder,
is to live each day as it comes,
roll with the punches,
and of course,
just listen to the thunder.

Nonsense

I am so confused
as to what to do.

You're tormenting me here,
and my thoughts I can't construe.

In my mind
of complete nonsense,

You come in and try your best
to make at least some sense.

I want purple flowers
growing in the skies.

I want truth instead of
bold faced lies.

I need all my glass to be crystal,
and all my diamonds to shatter.

I need to know that what I say
will actually matter.

I want the pictures to
come to life.

I want us to stop arguing
and put an end to the strife.

I don't know if I've begun to make any sense,
but don't make the mistake of putting me on defense.

I will say things I don't mean,
leaving you on the ground,
accidentally making you bleed.

I don't mean to leave you in suspense,
it's just that right now
not even my nonsensical mind
is making sense.

Half My Thoughts, Spoken Aloud

Where there's a will
there's a way,
but I've lost my will,
so have I lost my way?

Rain hits the window panes
and wind rattles the chains.

Lightening
lights
the skies,
leaving us to wonder
why.

The water is shallow,
but grows deeper everyday.

I don't want to listen to you
and ignore what you say.

Fighting for a chance to speak
but first I have to work
for a chance to breathe.

The pictures hang on the wall crooked,
in a sort of perfection
described in a dusty book.

As the world keeps spinning
so does my mind.

The day doesn't matter,
if we're living one day at a time.

Hum a song,
that I might recognize.

We can listen to the rain
as the light
makes a stage of the skies.

Maybe angels hear
our battle cries.
Maybe that's why we're where we're at now.
It's all a big compromise.

Electricity wires
pass us by.
The birds land
and we wish we could fly.

But we can't,
so here on the ground we'll stay.
And only half of our thoughts
are all we'll ever say.

Homecoming Queen

Why are you speaking
in a monotone?
Your eyes tell me nothing,
and you're as still as stone.

That weight on your shoulders
is weighing you down.
You're not able to escape,
you're tethered by the crown.

People think they know you,
but all they know is a name.
I know you,
because we are one and the same.

I am scared for you,
as your eyes grow empty.
Scared for you,
and what only I seem to see.

The pretend memory of happiness in your eyes,
and fake smile on your face
People always believe the lies.
They never notice your fall from grace.

You don't even have your own future,
it's the expected dream.
Nobody, save for me,
sees the real you,
that's labeled as
the typical
homecoming
queen.

My Sun(:

It takes so little
to rock this fragile world of mine.
So I'll ask that you just back away,
I don't really have the time.

It seems to happen
every time you come around.
You take me
and break me
without a single sound.

So walk away from me,
or I'll be doing the walking.
Stop coming this way,
don't you dare start talking.

The words leaking from
your poisonous mouth
reek of the horrible truth,
and your whisper is as deadly as a shout.

I wish I could say
that you're telling lies.
But I've known you too long,
and I can see honesty in your eyes.

It's everything I ignore,
and try hard not to hear.
You're my best friend,
but I wish you would disappear.

You're just looking out for me,
trying to take care.
I know you mean well,
but the truth fills me with despair.

I fall to my knees,
and you take this as a cue.
You've broken me,
and now you pick me up,
as well as the bottle of glue.

I didn't want to hear it,
but now I'm glad I did.
The small pain you inflicted,
was nothing compared to what it would have been.

So thank you,
friend,
for what you've always done.
For being there whether I wanted you or not,
and for always being my sun.

Snapshot of Me

Camera, camera,
oh, don't lie to me.
You know what I want from you,
you know you hold the key.

Just one snapshot,
that's all I ask.
It doesn't have to be perfect,
but I pray it won't be bad.

I have found,
I have changed over the years.
All those painful truths
suddenly become clear.

Life is the strongest
developer, I've found.
After this photo is burned,
I hope I'll be finally safe and sound.

The picture comes out,
and I see.
That girl in the picture
can't possibly be me.

She's beautiful
and strong.
Loving,
and the look in her eyes says
"I'm never wrong."

A girl who will try not to
step on hearts or toes,
but has a thousand times.
That's the way life goes.

Fracture lines all over,
where she's been cracked,
but never torn.

Stitch lines
all over
where she's been messily re sewn.

The scars are there,
and so is the ink.
I didn't notice until now,
and the scars seem to shrink.

In small writing
all over herself and the snapshot,
are the words of a poet,
many of which she forgot.

Telling of her troubles,
and of the tears.
But also telling of the healing,
and letting out some of that feeling.

This is exactly what I wanted to see.
This girl who is amazing,
and content
is the one in the snapshot.

The snapshot of me.

Peace in Chaos

Let's start a monarchy,
with a ton of anarchy.
Let's rule
with no rule,
and see where it gets us.

No one wants
to follow anyone nowadays.
So why make them?
Let's all go our separate ways.

I'll be the Queen
of anything
but really
nothing.

You can wear a crown,
as long as you
see to it,
that no one wears a frown.

We'll run through the streets
with nothing on our feet.
Dance on the rooftops
We never have to stop.

Everyone will be a jester,
we'll be each other's clown.
Why must you try and be an investor?
Just stop and look around.

We have chaos around us,
to match that in our minds.
You're just seeing now
what happens when we lift the blinds.

Fall into the grass,
and take a moment,
just let it all pass.
This chaos is not your torment.

There's beauty in the mess,
a relaxation without the stress.
Peace will find you
whether you're looking or not.
Next time you feel caught,
don't look for a way out.
Sing, instead of shout. (:

Sympathy

Not knowing
is the least of our issues
if you're just drying tears
with tissues.

There are people worse off
than we,
yet you walk around
wanting sympathy.

Why is it
you must be a martyr?
Children out there starving,
are better than you
and ten times smarter.

Don't walk around looking for empathy.
You'll get knocked to the ground,
knocked off your feet.
Now, as you get up, look around.

Does the man on the corner
begging for change,
Deserve what he gets,
as he watches his life circle the drain?

Does the woman with the child
deserve what she gets,
as she shivers and freezes,
on that stoop where she sits?

Don't ask sympathy from me,
when you're problems are nonexistent.
Just look at the misfortune around you
through their eyes which are so distant...

Better view now?
It's not you who has it bad.
After all you're here, inside,
and you've ever reason to be glad.

What I Can Do

Tell me how it is,
and explain how it isn't.
Hold me now
in your favorite prison.

Melt me with you eyes,
freeze me with your heart.
It was all lies,
from the very start.

I don't know what I did
to deserve treatment like this.
Or I am just lucky
to be in your abyss?

I have no idea
what to do anymore.
I wish I could form one,
that would end this endless war.

Pull out your arms,
and keep them out.
It's going to get ugly,
because you've ignored my shouts.

I didn't want it to come to this,
but I will fight if that's what it takes.
You've already thrown me to the sharks,
and raised the stakes.

I will stand,
stronger than you.
Watch me win,
because I know what I can do.

As It Seems

Throw it at me,
watch me twist and turn.
Soak me in it,
and let me burn.

All my fears,
and insecurity.
You're trying your best,
and you may just get the best of me.

I am slowly losing my will.
as well as my grip.
You don't have to make the effort
to shove me down farther,
as I'm already starting to slip.

I've already forgotten why
I was holding on in the first place.
I'll just look to the darkening sky,
and hope I end up in that vast, e n d l e s s space.

I'm only going to last,
a short while longer.
Why don't you say what you need to say now?
I'm not getting any stronger.

Breathe your breath in my face.
There's nothing I'd like more.
Tell me all about how it was ME that was wrong,
all the while, edging toward the door.

If I was wrong,
why are you running?
It's the realization that I am right,
that's going to push me off this precipice
tonight.

Go ahead,
lay all the blame on me.
Don't worry your ugly little head,
just lie down and go to sleep.

I'll hang here for now,
but I will haunt your dreams.
You know it's me that's right.
And all is exactly as it seems.

Endless Night

You,
my friend,
are a sad reminder,
a beautiful ghost,
of what was then and now,
and what I want the most.

I want so bad to keep you,
here within my sights.
I don't have the energy to pursue,
so I'll live forever in my endless nights.

You taunt me with your lack of shadow,
and anything tethering you to the earth.
What you reap is what you sow,
and I am left to question my own worth.

Tease me with your grace,
laugh at me with your flight.
You've left me in this place,
in my endless night.

You've stolen my stars,
and our haunted moon too.
Why don't you take everything that was ours?
and anything I believed to be true.

I once asked for this,
wished and prayed.
That the night would never end.
and you would never go away.

Why do I only get
one half of my
harmless
wish?

You've gone away,
and the night can never end.
Reliving the moments
unable to mend.

I want you to be with me,
want to be able to see,
That smile on your face,
It used to lighten this entire place.

This house is haunted,
by you, and only you.
You're driving me mad,
with all this wondering what do.

I could light a candle,
but you never taught me how.
Never showed me where to find the matches,
so the darkness becomes darker now.

I ask you to help me find them,
the keys to seeing the light again.
Happiness is what I need,
show me how, my dear friend!

Instead you stand and watch me,
wondering why I've got no light.
With one look I lay all blame on you,
for my
endless night.

Shared Emotions

Two people
shared emotions.
Fell for each other
without even knowing.

As friends they have shared
everything.
She knows how to make him smile,
and he knows how to make her dance and sing.

He knows just what to say,
to make her cry.
He would never in a million years actually say it,
not even in the most painful of goodbyes.

She knows just what to do
to make that hurt look cross his face.
She would never want to hurt him,
keeping him close to her,
keeping him forever safe.

He can make her laugh
anytime of day.
If anyone were to harm her,
in her life they would not stay.

But herein lies the problem,
that they've both seen this before.
It's better to take the feelings
and stuff them in a drawer.

They are so wrong for each other,
things will never be right.
It's better to just go on as before,
no need to acknolwdge the flame
if it can't ignite.

Close together they will remain.
through the tears,
fears,
sunshine and rain.

Protecting each other as well
as two wounded birds can.
Friends they will always be.
Not able to fly together.
Never be truly set free.

She'll watch him go,
from girl to girl.
Picking him up as each one
breaks and shatters his fragile world.

He'll watch her go
from guy to guy.
Happy if she's laughing,
holding her if he hears her cry.

So here's a sad tale
with a tragic ending.
Feelings being ignored,
creating a jail.

All because of

Two people,
shared emotions.
Fell for each other
without
even
knowing.

School Year

Rushed.
Hurried.
Hushed.
Scurried.

Waiting for it to begin,
a new school year is at hand.

New pens,
on that blank notebook paper.
Writing down notes,
we never use.
Just to get back in the hang of it.

New lockers,
and new desks.
Gettign resituated,
and super stressed.

Waiting for friday,
when the monday bell rings,
football games,
and the pride it brings.

Cell phones in our pockets,
and nothing on our minds.
Waiting for last bell,
and the bliss it always finds.

This is school
for the next three years.
Hopefully it will be better,
with our smiliarly bored peers.

Wishes and Luck

Four leaf clover,
give me some luck.
I didn't think I'd get so fortunate,
but the lightning has struck.

I see a shooting star,
hurry to close my eyes and make the wish.
I'll put this one in the jar,
and add some more to the alms dish.

Maybe someone will hear me,
give me another chance.
Hear my plea,
and cut into this dance.

11:11 has come way too many times,
and I think the same wish has been said too much.
Being too fortunate among my crimes,
as well as being so lucky and such.

I don't know if all my wishing
has payed off at all.
I do know by the smile on your face,
that someone,
somewhere
has at least heard my wishes' call.

So I'll keep on wishing
on the stars,
and on the planes.
I'll keep looking
for the clover
on the plains,

As long as it seems as though
it is coming true.
You deserve it.
Think of all my wishing
as an unofficial thank you.

For smiling at me,
when I couldn't.
Helping me see,
and making me stand when I wouldn't.

I'll continue my wishes
and prayers,
it's the least I can do.
You wonder why?
because I love you.

(: (:

What I Miss

If I wrote a list,
of everything I missed,
would you read it?
and would you admit?

That everything you miss,
is everything that exists
outside the world of succeeding
that has left you bleeding.

You miss the times when you didn't care
and nothing was unfair.
You had dreams to chase
but they could wait.

You miss being a kid
not having to watch
what you were going to say
or what you did.

The endless nights
and pointless drives.
You wanted so badly to get out
to get into the world
that you grew up too fast,
and didn't let the good times last.

Even though you and I are the same age,
you look and feel years older.
The maturity has built a cage
and you're just growing colder.

So if I wrote a list
of all that I missed,
would you read it
and would you admit?

I garuntee you would,
I can already see it in your eyes.
You would tell me now if you could,
but you can't break through the disguise.

So let me tell you what I miss,
and then tell me what you do.
What I miss most,
right now,
is you.

Not the person standing before me,
who has 'matured'.
I miss the person no one can see,
the one, who with me, endured.

So if you read it,
would you agree?
That you miss yourself,
the old you,
just as much as me.

My Dad

From broken hearts
to broken toys,
From friendship troubles,
to troubles with boys,

From doctor's appointments
to endless concerts,
Practices, softball games,
and botched desserts.

When I fell you caught me,
Never letting me fall too far.
Some of the best memories I have
Are singing along to our favorite songs in the car.

I've made mistakes,
far from a few,
But you've always helped me learn from them,
all the while helping me through.


You've taught me so much
in these fifteen years,
lessons I will never forget,
Even if they were taught with the
shedding of some tears.

I know to face my fears,
and take whatever comes at me.
Tomorrow isn't promised
and today's barely a garuntee.

I need to follow my dreams,
I can acheive anything.
I'll have to work hard for it,
but you believe in me.

No matter what
I will always have my family.
Always remind someone you love them,
especially when saying goodbye.

No one is too old for hugs,
treat people how you want to be treated.
Manners are important,
and don't ever be conceited.

Honesty is best,
don't ever be afraid to talk about something.
It's okay to cry,
and always look before you swing.

Don't fight,
it's not worth it.
Sing as loud as you can,
and never quit.

I know I'll learn more,
as the years pass by.
The future doesn't seem so scary,
with you by my side.

I didn't have a mom,
Something I proud of.
Mainly because I get to tell everyone
about my
awesome
funny
rockstar
Dad.

(:

Inspirations?

Who is it

that made that picture

come to life?



Who is it

that made your music

worthwhile?



Who made you

want to dance in the rain?



Or run through the streets

like a mad man?



Or jump for joy and

sing so loud?

Or

most importantly,

smile,

the way you are now?



Whoever it was

that was your inspiration,

for the masterpiece on your face,

may I meet them?



So I can thank them

for the look on your face,

that inspired mine

to be the same.