Clarity?

I want clarity,
not just the same story retold.
Clarity with aging,
just as it was foretold.

I know no more,
than I did then.
My mind is still clouded,
Could you explain it to me again?

What if I already know,
what I am going to know
forever?

And the things that baffle me now
will continue to do so,
Clarity
coming
never?

It's like I'm looking out
a smudged glass.
Unable to see
past this impasse.

If I am trapped in
my ever questioning thoughts
Never finding
the answer I once sought,

I will surely go mad
with the unknown
Forever stuck
on what should have been a stepping stone.

I don't understand how it could have happened,
I just need the facts.
It's just that,
I have no idea what I really need to ask..