Once Before

I've seen this
more than one time.

Girls getting damaged
over guys who just decide to leave..

Broken hearts need to be bandaged.

They'll find another you
in a week or two.

Breaking every promise ever made,
and you take back anything you ever forgave.

Soon enough, you'll be well.
How long?
Time will tell.

Soon you won't remember the eyes,
but you'll always remember the lies.

Commit them to memory,
the lesson learned,
close to it you'll keep.

A wall built
in a matter of heartbreaks,
some tears,
and learning from mistakes.

Close them off
to keep you in.

They don't need to see that part of you,
let them play their violin.

Walls, walls,
they won't fall.
Try to climb over,
and you'll see,
but you'll need the skeleton key.

That she gives to no one,
anymore.
She already tried that,
once before.

Camouflage

Open up
or
shut down.

Either way
you'll hit the ground.

Brace yourself
for what you don't know.

Paint a picture with your misfortune,
as though
you're the next Van Gogh.

Run away,
or just crawl.

Don't listen to me,
or the writing on the wall.

I don't matter,
but neither do you.

Melt into the background,
just go ahead and imbue.

Camouflage is not a defensive mechanism
for the weak of heart.

It's for the one's who were
weak from the start.

Defensive, I call it not.
You're just scared
that in your flaws
you'll get caught.

When you're caught,
you can't fall anymore.
Maybe that's what you need...
You're becoming exactly what against
you swore.

'Truth'?

Kick me down
and watch me hurt.

The words in your mouth
taste worse than dirt.

I can't believe what you're saying,
it makes no sense at all.

So, I won't believe your 'truth'
even if my only other option is
to 'fall'.

Who are you
to judge what I believe?

No need to completely
crush the heart on my sleeve.

Sugar coated
in the hopes
the kids don't choke on it.

Don't put your twisted 'truths' in their minds.
People who are different are okay,
not just a certain kind.

Peace can be achieved
if we aren't taught from the start
to hate, and hate,
and tear each other apart.

The hope is us,
and the love we can share.
Peace can exist,
if the hope and determination are there.

I'll accept everyone as they are,
in the hopes that you will too.

Maybe we won't have to repeat the mistakes
if we don't repeat their twisted view.

No rose colored glasses,
or stereotypes here,
just the hope for future generations,
and tolerance growing every year.

We'll practice what we preach
and lie in the beds we make.

They won't be as uncomfortable as the one's before us,
because we won't make your ignorant mistakes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Random (lyrics quotations) that helped with inspiration.

"It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in; You don't deserve a point of view, if the only thing you see is you.."-Paramore ('Playing God')

"Love is a movement. Love is a revolution. This is redemption. We don't have to slow back down." -Switchfoot ('Love is the Movement')

"..I see the love. I see the hate. I see this world that we can make. I see the life, I see the sky, Give it all to see you fly. Yes, we wave this flag of hatred, but you're the ones who made it.. We are young, we have heart, born in this world as it all falls apart. We are strong, we don't belong, born in this world as it all falls apart...All together, walk alone, against all we've ever known..We will fight, or we will fall, till the angels save us all...We are young, we have heart.." -Hollywood Undead ('Young')

Sing for You

All I want
is to sing.

To praise You
every time I do.

But I can't ever get the words right,
and the ones in the books leave me feeling contrite.

Like, I haven't told You completely
what I need to say.

That I won't be thanking You for the right things
at the end of the day.

One day I'll find that song,
or I'll write it myself.
Until then,
I'll keep praising you,
through my hymnal on the shelf.

Can You hear the song
playing in my heart?
I don't know it right now,
but You must have from the start.

After all You wrote it,
but I feel the need,
to sing it back to you..
That way the prewritten lyrics,
won't mislead.

SFR

Nothing
better than
the fall.

The best part?

Friday Night Football.

Cheering on the home team,
showing that our small school
is not what we seem,
decked out in the purple and green.

Clapping and yelling,
the game most compelling.

Here's to SFR,
this fall,
you'll know just who we are.

Clarity?

I want clarity,
not just the same story retold.
Clarity with aging,
just as it was foretold.

I know no more,
than I did then.
My mind is still clouded,
Could you explain it to me again?

What if I already know,
what I am going to know
forever?

And the things that baffle me now
will continue to do so,
Clarity
coming
never?

It's like I'm looking out
a smudged glass.
Unable to see
past this impasse.

If I am trapped in
my ever questioning thoughts
Never finding
the answer I once sought,

I will surely go mad
with the unknown
Forever stuck
on what should have been a stepping stone.

I don't understand how it could have happened,
I just need the facts.
It's just that,
I have no idea what I really need to ask..

Coward.

Say goodbye,
I promise,
this is the last time.

Forget my face
as well as my name.

Leave my life the way you came.

You claim no one cares,
but I know it's not true.

It's you who's giving up on life,
not I giving up on you.

I've tried every possible angle,
to try and make you comprehend.

But you've got no more hope,
your two weeks notice has been penned.

Leave me now,
clinging to my last piece of sanity.

I can only pray
you gain some clarity.

I hope some of my words registered,
and they weren't all in vain.

I knew when you said those words
I couldn't look at you the same.

A coward is what you are,
as well as weak.

I thought you were different,
someone unique.

Someone I could help,
someone willing to try.

So run away now,
I am saying goodbye.

I've learned my lesson.
Have you learned yours?

I highly doubt you did.
Your pity taught you to ignore.

Who are you?

Where are you running to?,
or are you simply
passing through?

As you say hello,
I find myself wondering,
If I knew you long ago.

You seem familiar,
and I'd like you to stay.
Just to figure out the mystery,
of your face.

I feel like I've known you forever,
and our past is in your eyes.
Did I block it all out,
in an attempt to get rid of some unknown
goodbyes?

I am not quite sure,
are you a stranger?
Or are you real?

Something about your smile,
seems very surreal..

Maybe it was in my dreams
that I saw you first.
I think I remember you from my happiest ones,
as well as my worst.

Are you...?

No. That's impossible.

Nor is it probable.

I was thinking you
might be that person
the storybooks told me about,
The Only Exception,
But,
I would know without a doubt.

But,
no.
That person you
cannot be.
There was no exception,
made for me.

But,
wait.
Stay right here.
I may be wrong,
and if I am,
I just don't want you to disappear.

Popularity.

Walk around
with your head held high.
Your words negative
Condescension in your eye.

Take all I have
to offer you
and more.

The very thought
of you is
what I most deplore.

Hurt me with your 'goodwill'
Burn me with your smile.
As long as you talk to me,
It only hurts for a little while..

Your acceptance is what I covet,
to be 'in' with you.
As long as that is accomplished,
what more could I want to do?

Is that really how you see me?
A pitiful lump of clay to mold?
A person who is silver,
but you want to paint them gold.

Grace me with your presence,
but I couldn't care less.

Just turn and walk away.
Save your hate for another person,
another day.

Nightmares

Insomnia,
leave me to nightmares.
I think I've taken
all I can bear.

I'll stick the headphones in my ears,
Maybe the truth won't sink in,
if the truth of it,
I cannot hear.

I am living in the moment,
if living dead counts.

Life is a concrete floor,
at which I am repeatedly thrown.

I wish that me,
this life would just condone.

Bouncing back is different,
than just staying in the sky.

So, gravity work your magic,

Maybe I'll stay glued to the floor,

leaving you and I

with our thoughts

to question why.

I don't want to stand
on these shaky feet again.

I don't trust them,
or the fragile balance
they can b-a-r-e-l-y sustain.

I'll do my best
not to seem weak.
That way I'm not asking
to be knocked off my feet.

So, when you find me,
please don't leave me on the floor,
like you did,
so many times before.

The nightmares have taken
anything I had left.
I can't catch my balance,
or my breath.

If I've Got You

Float me up to heaven
where I can just
fly all day.

It's not that I hate it here,
I just need to get away.

Let's go to the ocean,
and put our toes in the sand.

Climb up a mountain,
or hold my hand.

Assure me you'll be here,
forever and always near.

That even if we fight,
things will be all right.

When I feel like breaking down,
you'll be there to fix the frown.


If you're here,
I know everything will be okay.

I guess,

If I've got you,
it isn't as urgent
to get away.

(:

Boyfriend? Ugh.

Cry me a river,
you bore me to tears.
Stop being dramatic,
these are our best years.

Just forget about him,
he's not worth the time.
You don't need a guy,
especially one that's only
a boyfriend
half the time.

Grow up,
and be a bit more independent.
I'm getting tired of the drama.
You're much too resplendent.

Laugh like it's a joke,
but I'm being serious.
Don't make me pound your head
with common sense
until you're delirious.

Flirt all you want,
break as many hearts, too.
Soon I'll stop listening,
and then what will you do?

I'm tired of being tossed aside
for the latest guy.
So, I'm tossing you,
I don't want to hear the
newest version of his old lie.

Broken Puzzle

I don't want to sound
insensitive at all.
But you're no longer able to keep it together
for the long haul.

You've been broken and
shattered,
Way too many times.

The culprits ran off
Completly able to live
with the memory of their crimes.

How can you let yourself
be stepped on
time and again?

You're getting more vulnerable
every day. It just increases;
as well as the pain.

I can't stand these fracture lines,
all over yourself.
Some inflicted on your own,
others made by someone else.

You were strong once,
I'll give you that.
But you're starting to fade,
and the facade is starting to crack.

You're puzzle is missing
vital peices.
Your strength is failing
and your hope decreases.

I wish you would break
once and for all.
Go ahead,
let that fake smile fall.

Watching you
slowly trangress
Causes everyone
but you
distress.

So break,
once and for all.
So I can put you back together
correctly.

Piece by piece
making you well.
And fixing myself
indirectly.

The tape and glue
and temporary nails,
won't hold you anymore.

Those little lines
I will no longer
ignore.

I see them now,
finally, I know.

But, remember,

My repairs can only be made
once you've finally broke.

Words

Quote me
if you dare.
But I can't assure my words
will get you anywhere.

They're more likely to leave you
stranded and deserted.
You're ego
having been subverted.

People have a way
of leaving us speechless.
The words leave us
to drown in weakness.

Words are the crutches
handed out to the frail.
They may also be
the poet's sail.

Whatever they are
they are most fallible.
They leave you at your worst,
Leave you grasping for something not tangible.


Words are there for you when you need them,
but when you need them most,
they leave you alone,
any synonyms of any word
not even coming close.

Censored?!

Is writer's block
a way of
Soemone saying,
"Hey, you might hurt one you love."

Because what I want to write
may not sound quite right
to you,
or match what I do.

In my poems
is when the real me comes out.
As well as everything I want to say
Or, as shocking as it is to you,
shout.

But now it seems
I've been censored by a higher power.
I wish they would show their face
then I would make them cower.

Of course I don't mean that.
Or, maybe I do.
Right now, I can't be sure of anything,
especially you.

Well, whatever
or whoever it is
Deserves a nice
swift kick.

Apologies for the meaningless poem,
I know you're so dissappointed in me.
Right now I don't really care.
A better one tomorrow maybe.
We'll see.

Haiku?

The problem with a
Haiku is there is never
enough space to say






........? (:

The Judge of All Secrets

Secrets are mine to be kept,
I should never have shared.
I should have hid in my fear.
Let myself be scared.


I thought if I did that,
and never told,
my self they would have entombed.
And I would have taken them to the grave.
Never to be exhumed,
But my mysteries would be too late to save.



Give them back to me,
and never tell what you heard.
Neither of us could forsee,
so now,

forget every

single

word.



But I'll never forget
what I told you,
it's my biggest regret.
It's something you would never do,
but you always hold the threat.



Everytime you look my way,
I feel you're remembering too.


All my deepest,
darkest,
secrets
and fears,
once again,
laid out for you.


Judge me if you must,
but do it quickly please.
Now,
commit your wrong opinions
to an unfailing memory.


Now all my secrets, I'll allow
to go back inside the vault.
Where no one can hear my
trepidation
scream and shout.


And now, watch me
bury myself along with them.
It's my fate, you know,
to be kept with my secrets
far below.


It's where your opinion of me is, I'm posi.tive
So it's appropriate I'm right where you thought of me all along,
Of this I am sure.
I'm just following the expections.
After all,
what kind of girl do you take me for?


The kind that is,
finally,
putting your heavy heart at ease.


So, judge,
as that's what you've been all along,
what's my sentence?
With one look I know,
and I don't have very long.
Myself and the
silence you hope for
are to be buried
and entombed
with the dust
and guilt


with which YOUR OWN secrets were
originally built.

Want To Figure Me Out?

Just like
Marshall said,
Music is my time machine,
and it never let's me forget.

I have no desire
to go back to the past.
My only problem is
sometimes it's gone too fast.

So let me replay it,
and go back to the good times.
Listen to that song over again
Singing all my favorite lines.

Skip to a sad one,
reminding me of that feeling.
Leaving me glad I'm happier,
and my head reeling.

Play the one that
makes me want to dance.
No matter what,
as though I won't have another chance.

Turn it up,
the song that makes me want
to sink into the music,
and the words,
never to resurface,
floating in the perfect world.

I fell in love with this song
in the first verse.
The music matches perfectly
with the perfect words.

Listen to the playlist
over,
and over,
and over again.

Let it hold me up,
or hold me down.
Whatever it is,
I know I'm no longer on the ground.

Music is
my escape.
Without it,
I know I would never be
100% safe.

So turn it up,
and turn myself inside out,
everything about me
is right here,
impeccably laid out.

Just listen to the lyrics,
and you'll soon figure me out.

Television Set

There are ghosts
that live in my television set.
Screaming at me,
and never letting me forget.

Here come the memories,
making me wonder,
what sort of expertise
is it they possess?

Black and white reruns,
just like Hayley said,
turn my blood to ice,
my feet to lead.

I can't move,
anchored by my disbelief.
I never told you that,
I swear.
That girl isn't me.

She's yelling calmly,
telling you everything you never wanted to hear.
Taking you and breaking you,
making you dissapear.

The tragedy
seizes me.
Could ending the whole world
have been done that easily?

Is there a reason
this is happening?
A reason
I can't see?

Is it karma
making me relive
all the horror
you won't forgive?

So here I'll sit
watching my t.v. set,
wondering how it got so bad,
but solving the mystery of why I'm sad.

Listen to the Thunder

What's it like,
to have all your days numbered?

Why don't I ask you?
What? Too absurd?

You don't know how long you'll be here,
and the end very well may be near.

Are you living in fear
of an end
that's impossible, to
away from
steer?

Crazy as it seems,
I may not be here next week.
What would you do then?
Without your friend the geek?

Is the answer
to never get too attached?
I don't think that's it,
if it is,
I guess I should appear 100 times
more detached.

The answer to the question,
that still makes me wonder,
is to live each day as it comes,
roll with the punches,
and of course,
just listen to the thunder.

Nonsense

I am so confused
as to what to do.

You're tormenting me here,
and my thoughts I can't construe.

In my mind
of complete nonsense,

You come in and try your best
to make at least some sense.

I want purple flowers
growing in the skies.

I want truth instead of
bold faced lies.

I need all my glass to be crystal,
and all my diamonds to shatter.

I need to know that what I say
will actually matter.

I want the pictures to
come to life.

I want us to stop arguing
and put an end to the strife.

I don't know if I've begun to make any sense,
but don't make the mistake of putting me on defense.

I will say things I don't mean,
leaving you on the ground,
accidentally making you bleed.

I don't mean to leave you in suspense,
it's just that right now
not even my nonsensical mind
is making sense.

Half My Thoughts, Spoken Aloud

Where there's a will
there's a way,
but I've lost my will,
so have I lost my way?

Rain hits the window panes
and wind rattles the chains.

Lightening
lights
the skies,
leaving us to wonder
why.

The water is shallow,
but grows deeper everyday.

I don't want to listen to you
and ignore what you say.

Fighting for a chance to speak
but first I have to work
for a chance to breathe.

The pictures hang on the wall crooked,
in a sort of perfection
described in a dusty book.

As the world keeps spinning
so does my mind.

The day doesn't matter,
if we're living one day at a time.

Hum a song,
that I might recognize.

We can listen to the rain
as the light
makes a stage of the skies.

Maybe angels hear
our battle cries.
Maybe that's why we're where we're at now.
It's all a big compromise.

Electricity wires
pass us by.
The birds land
and we wish we could fly.

But we can't,
so here on the ground we'll stay.
And only half of our thoughts
are all we'll ever say.

Homecoming Queen

Why are you speaking
in a monotone?
Your eyes tell me nothing,
and you're as still as stone.

That weight on your shoulders
is weighing you down.
You're not able to escape,
you're tethered by the crown.

People think they know you,
but all they know is a name.
I know you,
because we are one and the same.

I am scared for you,
as your eyes grow empty.
Scared for you,
and what only I seem to see.

The pretend memory of happiness in your eyes,
and fake smile on your face
People always believe the lies.
They never notice your fall from grace.

You don't even have your own future,
it's the expected dream.
Nobody, save for me,
sees the real you,
that's labeled as
the typical
homecoming
queen.

My Sun(:

It takes so little
to rock this fragile world of mine.
So I'll ask that you just back away,
I don't really have the time.

It seems to happen
every time you come around.
You take me
and break me
without a single sound.

So walk away from me,
or I'll be doing the walking.
Stop coming this way,
don't you dare start talking.

The words leaking from
your poisonous mouth
reek of the horrible truth,
and your whisper is as deadly as a shout.

I wish I could say
that you're telling lies.
But I've known you too long,
and I can see honesty in your eyes.

It's everything I ignore,
and try hard not to hear.
You're my best friend,
but I wish you would disappear.

You're just looking out for me,
trying to take care.
I know you mean well,
but the truth fills me with despair.

I fall to my knees,
and you take this as a cue.
You've broken me,
and now you pick me up,
as well as the bottle of glue.

I didn't want to hear it,
but now I'm glad I did.
The small pain you inflicted,
was nothing compared to what it would have been.

So thank you,
friend,
for what you've always done.
For being there whether I wanted you or not,
and for always being my sun.

Snapshot of Me

Camera, camera,
oh, don't lie to me.
You know what I want from you,
you know you hold the key.

Just one snapshot,
that's all I ask.
It doesn't have to be perfect,
but I pray it won't be bad.

I have found,
I have changed over the years.
All those painful truths
suddenly become clear.

Life is the strongest
developer, I've found.
After this photo is burned,
I hope I'll be finally safe and sound.

The picture comes out,
and I see.
That girl in the picture
can't possibly be me.

She's beautiful
and strong.
Loving,
and the look in her eyes says
"I'm never wrong."

A girl who will try not to
step on hearts or toes,
but has a thousand times.
That's the way life goes.

Fracture lines all over,
where she's been cracked,
but never torn.

Stitch lines
all over
where she's been messily re sewn.

The scars are there,
and so is the ink.
I didn't notice until now,
and the scars seem to shrink.

In small writing
all over herself and the snapshot,
are the words of a poet,
many of which she forgot.

Telling of her troubles,
and of the tears.
But also telling of the healing,
and letting out some of that feeling.

This is exactly what I wanted to see.
This girl who is amazing,
and content
is the one in the snapshot.

The snapshot of me.

Peace in Chaos

Let's start a monarchy,
with a ton of anarchy.
Let's rule
with no rule,
and see where it gets us.

No one wants
to follow anyone nowadays.
So why make them?
Let's all go our separate ways.

I'll be the Queen
of anything
but really
nothing.

You can wear a crown,
as long as you
see to it,
that no one wears a frown.

We'll run through the streets
with nothing on our feet.
Dance on the rooftops
We never have to stop.

Everyone will be a jester,
we'll be each other's clown.
Why must you try and be an investor?
Just stop and look around.

We have chaos around us,
to match that in our minds.
You're just seeing now
what happens when we lift the blinds.

Fall into the grass,
and take a moment,
just let it all pass.
This chaos is not your torment.

There's beauty in the mess,
a relaxation without the stress.
Peace will find you
whether you're looking or not.
Next time you feel caught,
don't look for a way out.
Sing, instead of shout. (:

Sympathy

Not knowing
is the least of our issues
if you're just drying tears
with tissues.

There are people worse off
than we,
yet you walk around
wanting sympathy.

Why is it
you must be a martyr?
Children out there starving,
are better than you
and ten times smarter.

Don't walk around looking for empathy.
You'll get knocked to the ground,
knocked off your feet.
Now, as you get up, look around.

Does the man on the corner
begging for change,
Deserve what he gets,
as he watches his life circle the drain?

Does the woman with the child
deserve what she gets,
as she shivers and freezes,
on that stoop where she sits?

Don't ask sympathy from me,
when you're problems are nonexistent.
Just look at the misfortune around you
through their eyes which are so distant...

Better view now?
It's not you who has it bad.
After all you're here, inside,
and you've ever reason to be glad.

What I Can Do

Tell me how it is,
and explain how it isn't.
Hold me now
in your favorite prison.

Melt me with you eyes,
freeze me with your heart.
It was all lies,
from the very start.

I don't know what I did
to deserve treatment like this.
Or I am just lucky
to be in your abyss?

I have no idea
what to do anymore.
I wish I could form one,
that would end this endless war.

Pull out your arms,
and keep them out.
It's going to get ugly,
because you've ignored my shouts.

I didn't want it to come to this,
but I will fight if that's what it takes.
You've already thrown me to the sharks,
and raised the stakes.

I will stand,
stronger than you.
Watch me win,
because I know what I can do.

As It Seems

Throw it at me,
watch me twist and turn.
Soak me in it,
and let me burn.

All my fears,
and insecurity.
You're trying your best,
and you may just get the best of me.

I am slowly losing my will.
as well as my grip.
You don't have to make the effort
to shove me down farther,
as I'm already starting to slip.

I've already forgotten why
I was holding on in the first place.
I'll just look to the darkening sky,
and hope I end up in that vast, e n d l e s s space.

I'm only going to last,
a short while longer.
Why don't you say what you need to say now?
I'm not getting any stronger.

Breathe your breath in my face.
There's nothing I'd like more.
Tell me all about how it was ME that was wrong,
all the while, edging toward the door.

If I was wrong,
why are you running?
It's the realization that I am right,
that's going to push me off this precipice
tonight.

Go ahead,
lay all the blame on me.
Don't worry your ugly little head,
just lie down and go to sleep.

I'll hang here for now,
but I will haunt your dreams.
You know it's me that's right.
And all is exactly as it seems.

Endless Night

You,
my friend,
are a sad reminder,
a beautiful ghost,
of what was then and now,
and what I want the most.

I want so bad to keep you,
here within my sights.
I don't have the energy to pursue,
so I'll live forever in my endless nights.

You taunt me with your lack of shadow,
and anything tethering you to the earth.
What you reap is what you sow,
and I am left to question my own worth.

Tease me with your grace,
laugh at me with your flight.
You've left me in this place,
in my endless night.

You've stolen my stars,
and our haunted moon too.
Why don't you take everything that was ours?
and anything I believed to be true.

I once asked for this,
wished and prayed.
That the night would never end.
and you would never go away.

Why do I only get
one half of my
harmless
wish?

You've gone away,
and the night can never end.
Reliving the moments
unable to mend.

I want you to be with me,
want to be able to see,
That smile on your face,
It used to lighten this entire place.

This house is haunted,
by you, and only you.
You're driving me mad,
with all this wondering what do.

I could light a candle,
but you never taught me how.
Never showed me where to find the matches,
so the darkness becomes darker now.

I ask you to help me find them,
the keys to seeing the light again.
Happiness is what I need,
show me how, my dear friend!

Instead you stand and watch me,
wondering why I've got no light.
With one look I lay all blame on you,
for my
endless night.

Shared Emotions

Two people
shared emotions.
Fell for each other
without even knowing.

As friends they have shared
everything.
She knows how to make him smile,
and he knows how to make her dance and sing.

He knows just what to say,
to make her cry.
He would never in a million years actually say it,
not even in the most painful of goodbyes.

She knows just what to do
to make that hurt look cross his face.
She would never want to hurt him,
keeping him close to her,
keeping him forever safe.

He can make her laugh
anytime of day.
If anyone were to harm her,
in her life they would not stay.

But herein lies the problem,
that they've both seen this before.
It's better to take the feelings
and stuff them in a drawer.

They are so wrong for each other,
things will never be right.
It's better to just go on as before,
no need to acknolwdge the flame
if it can't ignite.

Close together they will remain.
through the tears,
fears,
sunshine and rain.

Protecting each other as well
as two wounded birds can.
Friends they will always be.
Not able to fly together.
Never be truly set free.

She'll watch him go,
from girl to girl.
Picking him up as each one
breaks and shatters his fragile world.

He'll watch her go
from guy to guy.
Happy if she's laughing,
holding her if he hears her cry.

So here's a sad tale
with a tragic ending.
Feelings being ignored,
creating a jail.

All because of

Two people,
shared emotions.
Fell for each other
without
even
knowing.